How Online Dating Has Changed the Romantic Landscape
If you were born in a certain generation, you may remember the nerves you had when asking someone you were interested in for their phone number. You may also remember how you had to build up the courage to make that first phone call! The way we used to date back then is inconceivable to many young people now. Social media and dating apps have changed the way people meet each other, embark on relationships, and fall in love.
According to a scientist at Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, “…internet dating is one of the most significant events in the evolution of human reproduction in human history.” A study conducted by Stanford University showed that around 40 percent of heterosexual couples and 60 percent of same-sex couples met online. Dating, chatting, and participating in a relationship online is no longer relegated to ‘computer geeks’ who do not get out much. Online dating has become a mainstream phenomenon.
Table of Content
Dating Through an App
With online dating, a sophisticated algorithm is the matchmaker. On most dating apps, you make a dating profile, which includes a photo of yourself, a few facts about yourself, and maybe also what you are looking for in another person. The online nature of a dating app creates not only physical distance, but also emotional distance from the people you are looking at. It may be easier to meet people and chat with them over an app, but it is also easier to be misled, catfished, or lied to. This brings up the question of whether you can forge a meaningful, honest romantic connection online.
Ghosting
It is easy to meet someone through an app, and it is just as easy to ‘ghost’ them. Ghosting is a part of modern dating and occurs when you stop texting, replying, and communicating with someone. Disappearing and dropping out of contact requires no effort, and has little to no consequences in the online world.
Many Options
Dating apps also offer a lot more choices – literally at your fingertips – than the machinations of in person dating do. And if you have more than one dating app, you have that many more potential matches. But does having so many choices create inauthenticity? When you are basing your decision on a photo and a few facts or sentences in a profile, how sincere can the matches you make really be? Dating online therefore does add an element of the superficial in the choices people make, in how they present themselves, and in many of the connections that are made online.
Additionally, the sheer numbers of potential matches users find online may also increase the rate of rejection or mismatches.
On the other hand, since people are often more open online than in real life, genuine connections can be made through a dating app. How fulfilling the conversations you have online are related to how meaningful your own engagement is. Also, online dating can be helpful to those who struggle with social anxiety. Once a connection is made, the process moves from texting, to phone calls, and perhaps a meeting in person. When the process is slower, it can also help alleviate fears and anxiety around meeting someone new.
Gratification-driven Romance
Dating app users often create profiles with the aim to come off as attractive and desirable. Priority is given by users to physical appearance over basic compatibility. It is simple to construct an online persona. But when you meet face-to-face a person that you first met online, the way you present physically needs to match your digital self.
The sense of immediacy created by dating apps perpetuates the selection of a partner based on superficial traits. Online dating requires you to make quick judgments based on how someone looks. This can create a gratification-driven quest for romance, versus one led by your values, beliefs, and outlook. The gratification-driven element of online dating has also contributed to the rise of a hook-up culture. With just a few clicks, users can have their physical needs met without feeling the need for emotional or mental connection.
The Psychology Behind It
Perusing a dating app releases the same kind of endorphins and activates the same parts of the brain as video games do. Many of these apps are gamified and designed to be addictive, almost mimicking a slot machine. This takes away from the gravitas of dating and building a relationship on similar values, beliefs, and world outlook.
Online dating, like any other social media platform, can affect your mood, mindset, and self-esteem. The abundance of options, insincere conversations, unwelcome comments, and ghosting can affect your mental well-being. After a certain number of matches - and these can go into the hundreds - people stop putting in the effort, and with that, sincerity decreases. The inauthenticity often encountered on dating apps can lead to burnout or overwhelm. It can also cause feelings of loneliness and being either left out or missing out.
Self-Esteem and the Dating App
Users of dating apps may feel pressure to present the best – or idealized- version of themselves. Like most social media platforms, you gauge your success on the platform by your popularity, which is measured in engagement by others. This means that each like or comment may add to your self-worth. Adversely, the lack of engagement may erode your self-esteem. It works the same way with a dating app. The number of matches, connections, or positive interactions you have can affect your self-confidence and esteem. If you get ghosted or have trouble making matches, this may result in feelings of dissatisfaction, discontent, and lower self-worth.
Dating Apps and Relationship Skills
Prolonged use of dating apps can affect the interpersonal skills you need for a healthy relationship. For example, when most of the interaction you have with potential dates is from behind a screen, you are not using the conversational and interpersonal skills that you would use when in person.
Online dating has changed the dynamics of communication. A dating app does not give you nuanced communication in terms of tone of voice, inflection, or body language. You are relying on emojis to relay emotional nuance. The reduced ability to read cues given through eye contact, body language, and tone of voice can impact whether you make a lasting connection or not.
Be Open to Dating IRL
Do not underestimate the value of dating IRL (in real life)! There are few things that give the thrills that a first date does. The anticipation, the nerves, the anxiety – these are all part of the human experience and need not be replaced by apps. The traditional channels of meeting people – at work, through friends, at school – are still there.
We all need human connection beyond the physical. Genuine intimacy is achieved through face-to-face communication and a deep emotional connection. Approaching someone who interests you and starting a conversation with them is a lot more empowering than swiping right – or was it left?
Key Points
The main points covered in this article include:
Online dating can result in inauthentic connections, overwhelm, ghosting, and can negatively impact self-esteem.
Prolonged use of dating apps can either diminish or prevent the development of skills necessary for face-to-face relationships.
Many dating apps cause the release of endorphins, just like video games do. The way they are structured tends to gamify dating.
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FAQs
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