How Parents Can Support Their Children with Anxiety
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Exploring Childhood Anxiety
As a teenager, I struggled with a lot of anxiety. I found myself overthinking about my friendships, my school work, and life at home. It became all-consuming, and I had a difficult time finding moments of peace or relaxation. Eventually, my parents were able to take me to a therapist, who helped me work through my symptoms over time. This is not an uncommon experience in childhood. Within the past year, The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 31.9% of adolescents living in the United States have met the criteria for an anxiety disorder. It is important to think about what parents and families can try to do to help children work through their anxious thoughts and feelings. Within this blog post, we will examine how to recognize anxiety in children, how to build a supportive family environment, effective communication about mental health, how to teach and reinforce coping skills, and when to seek professional help.
Understanding Anxiety in Children
Anxiety in children can manifest in many different ways. According to the Child Mind Institute, children with anxiety are likely to complain of physical ailments, such as common stomachaches or headaches. They may also report sleep challenges, including nightmares. The child might become excessively clingy to their parents, often making it difficult to go to school independently or to go to friends’ houses. Childhood anxiety can be caused by a variety of things, including genetics, environment, bullying, or other traumatic experiences. At the same time, things that are stressful for one kid may be different for another kid. It’s important to remember that everyone is different and to make an effort to talk to your child to see where their anxious feelings may be coming from.
Here are some more signs that your child is struggling with anxiety. You may notice that your child struggles in school because they are too anxious to go to class. Alternatively, their anxiety may make them scared ever to miss class, even if they are sick and need to stay home. They may also seem nervous about engaging with their peers, struggling to participate in activities, or overly people-pleasing and showing insecurity with their friends. If you notice that your child’s worrying interferes with their daily life and overall well-being, it may be a sign that they are struggling with an anxiety disorder.
Self-Blame as a Parent
As a parent, it may be difficult to address your child’s struggles with mental health. You may struggle with blaming yourself and wondering if you did something wrong. In this situation, it is most important to prioritize getting your child the treatment they need. If you’re feeling especially overwhelmed by your own feelings about your child’s anxiety, it may be wise to try out therapy yourself or even pursue family therapy to help the overall family system.
Creating a Supportive Environment
Safe and Predictable Environment
Safety and predictability can be very helpful for anxious people of all ages. Knowing what to expect at home will help your child know it’s okay to relax. This could be implemented through consistent routines, such as helping your child with their homework right after dinner to make sure they understand everything, or making sure your child knows that you’ll help them arrange a playdate once a week. Chore charts can also help maintain consistency and routines in your family. The routines do not necessarily need to be exciting to be comforting.
As a part of maintaining a safe environment, it is important that you strive to maintain solid emotional regulation as a parent. This becomes a helpful tool to ensure your child feels like they know what to expect from you when they need emotional support.
Modeling Calm Behavior
Children often take behavioral cues from their parents. We see this relatively often. Kids may try to match the way their parent stands or speaks. They will also try to match behavior patterns they notice from their parents. This could include calm patterns. As a parent, if you take some deep breaths the next time you’re stuck in traffic or the next time you’re running late to drop your kids off at school, it’s likely that your children will notice. Over time, they may try to implement that skill on their own. It can be especially helpful if all parents in the home implement these tools. Showing a united front will help your child see these strategies as useful.
Communication Strategies
Validating Feelings
Validation helps encourage ongoing communication because it provides a foundation of safety and understanding. If your child knows their thoughts, feelings, and concerns will be met with warm, validating comments, they are more likely to continue to share their feelings with you. Some comments you may try out could include “It makes sense that you’re feeling so worried about your test. It’s stressful to know it’s worth so much of your overall grade,” or “I’d be upset if I didn’t get invited to that party, too.” It’s important to avoid dismissive comments in these conversations. It’s also helpful to keep the focus on your child’s experience to help them feel seen and understood.
Encouraging Expression
When your child does choose to share things with you, it’s important to encourage that behavior. You could try to thank them for being so open and honest with you. Acknowledge that it takes courage to be open about feelings. Further, if your child uses another outlet to express their feelings, including journaling, art projects, or sports, it’s important to encourage these activities. Anything that helps your child work through complex emotions is very positive. This becomes even more important if you have a child who does not express emotion very often. It’s necessary to be very engaged whenever they are open and honest about their feelings.
Teaching Coping Techniques
Relaxation Techniques
Relaxation techniques can be helpful if your child is struggling with excessive worrying. These skills can help ground your child in the current moment, rather than taking them down the rabbit hole of anxiety. Some common techniques include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness exercises. You can find tutorials for any of these activities on YouTube. It may be fun to try them out together and see how you feel before and after. Once you find a skill you and your child both like, it could be useful to implement it in the mornings on the way to school or before bedtime to help encourage your child to practice the skill. Trust Mental Health also offers a variety of worksheets to help encourage emotional regulation. These tools can be printed out and completed at home as a family.
Positive Reinforcement
When building any new habit, positive reinforcement is very valuable. Any time your kid slows down to use a relaxation skill, you should find a way to celebrate. This could include verbal praise or some kind of reward system. When I was growing up, I had a lot of anxiety about using elevators. To work through my fear, I would get a sticker on a chart if I went into an elevator. After a certain number of stickers, I could pick out a new stuffed animal. A similar system may work in your family.
Healthy Lifestyle
It is important to pay attention to other lifestyle factors that may impact your child’s well-being, including regular physical activity, adequate sleep, and a balanced diet. Each of these can serve as a protective factor against more severe or destressing forms of anxiety. You may consult a nutrition counselor to help get a better idea of skills that could help your family eat foods that help lower cortisol levels. It may also be a good way to help your family stay engaged in healthy habits together. You might try going for family walks to the park on sunny weekends to get extra time together, which can also remind your anxious child that you’re there for them.
Seeking Professional Help
If you notice that your child’s anxiety is interfering with their daily life in significant ways (i.e. causing them to miss school, causing them social challenges, impacting their self-esteem), it may be necessary to seek out professional help. At Trust Mental Health, our therapists are prepared to work with clients at any point in the life cycle. We offer therapy for children, therapy for teens, and family therapy, so you have options to choose what could be most helpful for you and your family. A therapist would also be prepared to help you build on the techniques discussed in this article to best meet your child’s needs and to provide the most effective treatment possible. You’re not alone. You can book a free fifteen-minute consultation today.
Key Points
A safe, predictable home environment and calm behavior modeling by parents can significantly reduce a child's anxiety. Establishing routines and showing children how to manage stress through actions like deep breathing can help them feel more secure and learn effective coping mechanisms.
Open and empathetic communication is key to helping children feel understood and supported. Validating their feelings without judgment encourages them to share their concerns, and expressing appreciation for their openness fosters a trusting relationship. Encouraging alternative outlets for expression, such as journaling or art, can also be beneficial.
Introducing children to relaxation techniques like deep breathing and mindfulness exercises can help them manage anxiety in the moment. Positive reinforcement for using these techniques and promoting a healthy lifestyle with adequate sleep, exercise, and a balanced diet are essential for long-term anxiety management. If anxiety significantly impacts daily life, seeking professional help is advised.
FAQs
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Ensure your child gets regular physical activity, as exercise can reduce anxiety. Promote a balanced diet and adequate sleep. Limit caffeine and sugar intake, and encourage relaxation activities such as yoga or meditation.
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Help your child develop problem-solving skills and coping mechanisms. Encourage them to face their fears gradually and celebrate small victories. Teach them positive self-talk and how to challenge negative thoughts. Consider enrolling them in therapy if anxiety persists.
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If your child's anxiety is severe, persistent, and interferes with their daily life, it may be time to seek professional help. Look for signs like avoidance of activities they once enjoyed, significant changes in behavior or mood, and physical symptoms without a medical cause.