Why Don’t I Want to Talk to Anyone? How Do I Fix It?
Table of content:
What is Self-Isolation?
If you notice that you’re struggling to engage with your loved ones, it is possible that you are engaging in self-isolation. In mental health terms, this often looks like disengaging from others due to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, depression, or even in response to trauma. One may also self-isolate due to major life events that cause them to feel overwhelmed or stressed. Someone engaging in self-isolation may suddenly become very difficult to reach, both figuratively and literally. Internally, they may fear that they are not loved, that they are a burden on others, or that their loved ones do not understand them. This blog aims to increase understanding surrounding self-isolation and offer ways to overcome this challenge if it impacts you personally, even though it may occur subconsciously.
What Prompts Self-Isolation?
Depression
Self-isolation can be a common symptom of depression. People with depression often struggle with their self-esteem, resulting in feeling like they are not worthy of love, care, and affection. Additionally, depression can cause a lower energy level for many people. They may not feel that they have the energy to engage in friendships, romantic relationships, or familial connections. However, lacking these connections can also worsen depression symptoms in the long run, creating a vicious cycle that can be difficult to escape from.
Anxiety
Self-isolation may also be caused by anxiety, especially those facing social anxiety. When someone has social anxiety, they are often very stressed out by interactions with loved ones as well as strangers, causing them to avoid connections with others across the board. Other forms of anxiety may also impact one’s willingness to engage with others as well. For example, someone struggling with panic disorder may be afraid that they will have a panic attack with friends, and that fear may prevent them from engaging with their loved ones. Alternatively, someone with generalized anxiety disorder may become overwhelmed due to a tendency to overthink, causing them to wonder if their friends wanted them around in the first place. The feelings may differ in each individual case.
Trauma
Someone who has recently experienced a traumatic event or who is processing a traumatic event may self-isolate. Traumatic events tend to take very significant tolls on the people who are suffering from them, leaving less room to engage with others. Often, trauma survivors experience high levels of guilt as well, which can lower their self-esteem as they process the events that have occurred. It may take them some time to feel comfortable engaging with others again, because a lot of their life may suddenly feel less comfortable and more challenging. For example, someone who recently experienced a traumatic car accident may be less likely to want to go to a family gathering, because it involves driving. They may also feel uncomfortable asking someone to drive them, because they may fear becoming a burden to others.
Big Life Events
Major life events can also lead to self-isolation. These events could include a range of things, from planning a wedding to one’s children moving away from home. These events fundamentally change someone’s day-to-day life and may cause them to isolate. It requires a lot of energy to process new changes, and many people can struggle to continue to put the same level of energy into relationships during these transitions. Further, many people may intentionally isolate themselves because they fear that they will bother their loved ones by talking about these changes. For example, a friend feeling overwhelmed by wedding planning may feel nervous to vent about that stress with their close circle if they are the first friend to get married.
Recognizing Self-Isolation Behaviors
Ignoring Texts
Someone struggling with self-isolation may become slow to respond to text messages or other forms of communication via phone. Often, they may not respond because they feel anxious about what to say, do not have the energy to respond, feel too overwhelmed to respond, or simply forget to reply to the message. If you notice this becoming a habit, it may be a good idea to check in on your loved one and see how they’ve been feeling emotionally. This could give them an opportunity to open up if something has been going on that has caused them to become more isolated.
Canceling on Plans
While self-isolating, someone may also routinely cancel plans or decline invitations. You may also notice that, even if your friend does show up, they do not tend to retain previously shared information (i.e. they may ask the same question multiple times or share the same story repeatedly). You may also notice them checking out of the conversation, changing topics regularly, or using their phone while someone is speaking. This behavior can often feel hurtful or confusing to someone. If you notice a loved one doing this regularly, this could also be a good time to check in on them and see how they’re feeling emotionally.
Common Thoughts and Feelings While Self-Isolating
Feeling Alone
While it may seem counterintuitive, people often self-isolate because they feel alone. Challenges like depression, anxiety, and trauma can make people believe that they are not loved, even if they have a lot of people around them who want to support them. Feeling alone can cause them to push others further away as a way to protect themselves. It may help them feel like they have more control over the situation if they are the ones pushing others away, rather than worrying that their loved ones will leave them behind.
Feeling Misunderstood
People may also feel misunderstood. This can prompt them to try to self-isolate rather than to try to regain some common ground. An example of this are people who are questioning their sexuality or gender identity. If they worry that their loved ones will not accept them, they may feel prompted to isolate from those individuals. They may not be ready to voice their concerns in this instance. This could also happen if someone feels like their friends are on a different life path than they are (i.e. they do want kids but none of their friends do).
Thinking You Are a Burden on Others
People may feel prompted to self-isolate if they begin to suspect that they are a burden on others. In this instance, they may feel like they take up too much of their loved ones’ time, worry that they are bothersome or annoying, wonder if they are actually loved, or feel unworthy of other people’s time and attention. This thought can feel very heavy and all-consuming, causing people to turn inwards rather than lean on others for emotional support in their time of need.
Ways to Reconnect with Others
Engage with Loved Ones
While this is easier said than done, one of the best ways to combat the desire to self-isolate is to engage in the exact opposite behavior. If you opt to attempt to spend time with loved ones, it can help reaffirm that you are loved, cared for, and worthy of others’ energy. Additionally, talking through your urge to self-isolate may help your loved ones take better care of you during a difficult time.
Hobbies
Engaging in your hobbies can also be a great way to combat the desire to self-isolate because this can help restore some of the energy that you may be lacking. Additionally, if you are concerned about loved ones not understanding you, hobbies could help you meet some new people who may be open about sharing your values, helping you feel more seen and understood as you are.
Therapy
If you are struggling with the impulse to self-isolate and believe it may be coming from an underlying mental health concern, such as anxiety or depression, it may be helpful to consider going to therapy. This can be a great tool to help you process your emotions and feel more comfortable engaging with your loved ones once again. Here at Trust Mental Health, our therapists are trained to help you heal from your trauma so you can feel safe to be yourself once again. You’re not alone. Book a free fifteen-minute consultation today.