Thanksgiving - Helpful Tips If You Feel Guilty Celebrating
Thanksgiving, a holiday that many of us look forward to, is soon approaching. It seems like November is flying by! For many people, Thanksgiving is a time of coming together, preparing and enjoying a wonderful meal, and reuniting with those we have not seen in a while. However, for perhaps just as many of us, it is also a time during which we may feel guilty for our celebration. Guilt can arise when we compare our own circumstances with those of others in our country and around the world. Some of us may be feeling uncomfortable celebrating a holiday. The related commercialism, abundance, and wastage can also add to our discomfort.
Guilt about Celebrating
This year when you ask others about their holiday plans, you may notice how many of them say something like the following:
“I’m looking forward to traveling…but I feel odd celebrating and having an extravagant meal when there is so much suffering and people in need.”
“I love thanksgiving, but this year I feel guilty about celebrating, just given what is going on in the world today.”
“I feel guilty about hosting a big holiday gathering this year.”
People are going through difficult, painful things. The unfairness or injustice may nag at you. This can make you feel guilty or undeserving of the ease you are experiencing. How do you reconcile any guilt you may have about celebrating the holidays this year?
What You Can Do
Gratitude
Remember not to take anything for granted. Teach yourself and your children to appreciate all that life has offered you – from the smallest blessing to the largest. Establish a gratitude practice for yourself and your family. This could be writing down three things that you are grateful for, either in the morning or before bed. It could be in the form of taking a pause for a few seconds, just to bring gratitude to your mind and your body.
Judgment from Others
Try to distance yourself from the judgment of others. You may be on the receiving end of some unwanted advice or opinions.
Create a New Tradition
Consider making a new tradition that involves your family or friends. This could be based around expressing or experiencing gratitude, helping others, or highlighting a cause. An example of a tradition is sharing stories of the resilience and perseverance of people from around the world. Another idea is to get together with other families and take part in or organize giving back to a cause you feel strongly about. This can add to the unity and togetherness of your holiday.
Consume Mindfully
Be mindful of your consumption this holiday season. Take care to waste less and recycle and reuse more.
Take Action
Celebrating Thanksgiving does not mean that you are callous or indifferent to what is happening in the world. You can channel your feelings of guilt, empathy, and helplessness into spreading kindness. Guilt may be something you hide behind. It shields you from acknowledging the reality of another person and from taking action. However, to reconcile your guilt you can do something that will help another in need. You may question how much of an impact you can make when the scope of the world’s problems is so vast. But every little bit counts to someone.
Do some research and inform yourself about the issues you find the most troubling or close to your heart. When you understand the background, causes of issues, and possible solutions, you will be empowered to turn your guilt into action.
Donate
You can donate in the form of your time or financial support. You can volunteer at a local organization or community center. Try mentoring a youth in need. Send a thanksgiving meal to a family that cannot afford it. Invite someone that you know will be alone this holiday to have the thanksgiving meal with you. You can visit a nursing home or organize a food drive. By funneling your feelings of guilt into actions, you can alleviate your own sense of helplessness.
Practice Kindness
Instill kindness, awareness, and standing up for what is right in your children. Model compassion and empathy for them. Demonstrate for your children small acts of kindness that you do in your daily life.
Take Time to Feel How You Feel
Reconciling guilt does not mean that you distract yourself away from it or push it away. Rather, we have highlighted ways to turn your guilt into something useful and beneficial. Still, it is sometimes good to allow yourself to feel how you feel. If you are feeling sad or guilty, it means that you have empathy and that you care!
When you hurt for others but cannot directly help, what you may be experiencing is empathetic distress. It can lead to burnout, overwhelm, and feeling heavy hearted. You may find it hard to get into the jovial spirit of this holiday. If that is the case, be true to yourself and engage in a way that feels authentic to you. Remember that it is okay to enforce your boundaries and to say no when you need to. If you do not feel up to going somewhere or hosting an event, or just need some time alone – that is okay.
Talk About It
Talk with a trusted friend or family member about your feelings of guilt. This can offer you a safe space to explore how you feel and why you feel it. Meaningful conversation can help you process events and possibly make sense of your feelings. You may find that the person you are confiding in feels the same.
It may also help to focus on the company you are with instead of on the food, decorations, or social media. Appreciating the people in your life is an easy way to feel gratitude.
Work on Your Mindset
While there are terrible things happening in the world, there is also faith, hope, and goodness. You will be able to feel the good more if you have done something to give back and make a difference. While you empathize with the suffering of others, you also have a right to enjoy and be happy. By feeling good, you do not detract from anyone else’s reality, situation, or hurt. Use your circumstances to empower others, speak up, lend others a voice, and support someone in need. Transform your guilt into reflecting on your blessings. There are ways to use all you have been given to help make someone’s burden easier to bear.
Getting Help
Sometimes when we are feeling overwhelmed, we may need extra support and guidance. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional. Trust Mental Health’s team of BIPOC therapists offer (among many services) depression therapy and anxiety therapy in California. Between us, we speak over 16 languages. Our diversity enables us to bring a culturally sensitive approach to each of our client sessions. Contact us today for a free 15 minute consultation. We will match you with a therapist who understands your background.
FAQs
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Guilt can stem from a variety of situations and actions, including:
- Harming someone physically or emotionally.
- Betraying someone's trust or breaking promises.
- Failing to meet personal or societal expectations.
- Neglecting responsibilities or duties.
- Surviving a traumatic event when others did not.
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It is advisable to seek professional help when:
- Feelings of guilt become overwhelming and interfere with your daily life.
- Guilt is associated with severe anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts.
- You are struggling to cope with trauma or grief.
- You engage in self-destructive behaviors as a result of guilt.
- Guilt is linked to a history of mental health issues or a traumatic event.
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Several therapeutic approaches can help individuals address guilt, including:
- Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT helps you identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors associated with guilt.
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): ACT encourages acceptance of difficult emotions like guilt. It helps people commit to values-based actions.
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR can be effective for processing trauma and reducing guilt associated with traumatic events.
- Narrative Therapy: This approach helps people reframe their narratives and change their relationship with guilt-inducing stories.
How can I cope with feelings of guilt on my own?
There are several strategies you can use to cope with guilt:
- Acknowledge your feelings. Recognize and accept your guilt as a valid emotion.
- Reflect and take responsibility. Understand the source of your guilt and think about whether it is justified.
- Make amends. If appropriate, take actions to rectify the situation or apologize to those affected.
- Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself and understand that you are allowed to make mistakes.
- Seek support from loved ones. Share your feelings with trusted friends or family members who can offer guidance and empathy.