8 Ways to Help Your Child with Back-to-School Anxiety
Around this time of year, many children struggle with back-to-school anxiety, and their parents try numerous things to help their kids through it. Children often find the unfamiliar and uncertainty distressing. They may wonder whether their teacher will be nice, or if they will have friends to play with at recess, or if they will be able to do the work. As children grow, the factors that add to their anxiety may change.
For some children, past experiences can contribute to anxiety and shape their perceptions of the new school year. They might have faced bullying, had academic challenges, or had a difficult time building and maintaining friendships in previous years.
Here, we describe eight ways to make back-to-school less fraught.
Signs of Anxiety in Children
Some children are good at verbalizing and expressing how they are feeling. Other children may not have the vocabulary or know how to share what they are feeling. Below are some common signs of anxiety in children:
Sleep disturbance
Unexplained aches, headaches, stomachaches
Being unusually clingy
Anger, irritability
Separation anxiety
Feeling nauseous
Nightmares
Loss of appetite
1. Tap into Your Parent Network
If you do not already have a relationship with a few parents from your child’s school, try reaching out and making a connection. Organizing a few playdates with your child’s classmates can re-familiarize them with each other. It can also help to allay a child’s worries about making friends or having someone to play with at recess.
2. Be Prepared
Take your child to purchase their school supplies for the new year. While doing this with young children may take up extra time, it can be time well spent. Ask them to make a list of stationery and other supplies they need. Tell them they have to stick to the items on their list. Children enjoy being a part of things, and this will give them a sense of responsibility and ownership of the process.
3. Cultivate a Calm Environment
In the week leading up to school, try to keep a calm household environment. Talk about school in an encouraging way. Try not to lecture your child about academic expectations at this point. The day before school starts, find some time to do something with your child. This could be going to the park, taking a walk, or watching a show with them. It should be something fun that also makes them feel relaxed and connected with you.
Reestablish pre-summer meal and bedtime routines in the days leading up to the first day of school. Good sleep and regular meals have a positive impact on a child’s general wellbeing.
Encourage your child to get into the habit of packing their school bag and selecting their clothes for the next morning the night before. This will also give them a sense of preparedness. The morning rush and pressures of time can be unnerving for children that are already feeling anxious.
4. Self-soothing
Teach your child to recognize the physical symptoms of anxiety. They should be aware if their hands are sweaty, their stomach starts hurting, or they feel shaky. Further, teach them ways in which they can self-soothe. Techniques like slow, deep breathing, grounding, counting, or saying the alphabet backwards can help young children relieve their symptoms. The goal is for your child to understand their physical response to stress or nerves as well as know how a few ways to alleviate their discomfort. This will enable them to gradually become more confident in their ability to handle situations.
Children pick up more about our emotional state than we give them credit for. Even if they cannot label an emotion we are feeling, they can sense tension, edginess, and stress. If you are feeling nervous about your child going back to school, share your concerns with another adult instead of with your child.
5. Do a Test Run to School
If possible, visit your child’s school with them before it starts. If they will be walking to school or being driven, do a test run with them. For a child that is taking the school bus, you can walk with them to the bus stop. It may even help to stand at their bus stop for the length of time they will be waiting there for their bus on a school day. Some children also find it soothing if the family dog accompanies them in the car (if they are driven to school).
6. Talk with Your Child
Encourage your child to share their worries with you. Remind them of what they enjoyed during the previous school year. Discuss things that are coming up in the new school year that they can look forward to.
While you cannot give your child a guarantee that their first day, week, or even month back will be smooth, you can teach them tools to handle adversity. Highlight your child’s qualities and how they can use their strengths to handle testy situations. If they are worried about something they struggled with last year, discuss with them what they can do differently. Let them take the lead on brainstorming ideas and strategies to help them manage. Identify spaces in the school where they will feel safe, such as the library, or a certain part of the playground.
Avoid dismissing or diminishing your child’s concerns. They need to feel validated and approved of. This is where active listening can help. Rather than trying to ‘fix’ their worry as soon as they tell you about it, let them know you understand them. For example, “It sounds like you are worried about who you will sit with at lunch.” Or you can say, “That sounds tricky.”
7. Keep Teachers in the Loop
Keep teachers informed of your child’s anxiety and the challenges it poses. This is especially important if your child’s anxiety does not reduce in intensity over time. Teachers can be understanding and supportive allies, and it is important that you advocate for your child. Your child’s teacher may know of strategies that they have used to help other children.
8. Be Present
For working parents, it can be hard to be at home or with your child when they return home from school. If you are unable to be at home with them, enlist a close and trusted family member or friend to be there for your child during the first week back at school.
Whether you are a working or stay-at-home parent, show a genuine interest in how your child is finding being back at school. While questions like, “How was school?” or “How was your day?” do show concern, they do not pave the way for authentic conversation and connection. Instead, try asking your child, “What did you play at recess?”, or “What was the funniest thing that happened today?”.
Putting importance on how your child is doing and being present with them strengthens their sense of security. Knowing they have support and understanding from you will give them the confidence to face challenges at school.
When Your Child Needs Extra Support
If you feel that your child is not coping and is struggling in their daily life due to anxiety, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. Anxiety therapy or therapy for children can aid both children and parents. Professional help can give your child the tools, skills, and confidence they need to manage their anxiety.
Trust Mental Health has a team of BIPOC therapists that offer mental health therapy in San Jose, California. We work with children and their parents to ensure well-rounded, nurturing care. Contact us for a free 15 minute consultation.
FAQs
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Anxiety is a natural emotion characterized by nervousness, tension, worry, and possible physical symptoms like shortness of breath or raised heartrate. You may experience anxiety before things like a major life event, public speaking, or an exam. Prolonged, intense anxiety can interfere with your daily life and may indicate an anxiety disorder.
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Anxiety disorders occur in a little over 12 percent of children. In teenagers, this number rises to 25 percent.
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Common signs of anxiety in children can include:
Clinginess
Trouble sleeping or staying asleep
Fatigue
Trouble with focus
Withdrawal
Unfounded fears and excessive worry
Irritability
Loss of appetite
Stomachaches
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If your child’s anxiety is becoming overwhelming and causing interference in their daily life, it may be time to seek the support of a mental health professional. Therapy for children offers a safe, nonjudgmental space for your child to share what worries them. It helps them understand and process how they are feeling and learn coping skills.
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A mental health professional will typically conduct a comprehensive evaluation. This includes obtaining a history of symptoms, behaviors, and any significant or negative life experiences. Questionnaires, observational methods, and consultation with teachers or caregivers might also be used.