Managing Stress in Young Children
According to the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, there are three types of stress for children: positive, tolerable, and toxic.
Positive stress is a brief period in which the child has a stress response. It is a normal part of childhood development and growth. Examples of positive stress are getting an injection or entering a new playgroup. This response is soothed by a present and nurturing adult. The role of the adult is important as they are integral to bringing the child back to a state of calm.
Tolerable stress is when the child has an experience of greater intensity, such as death of a family member, illness or injury. [1] This also occurs in the presence of a caring adult who is present to comfort the child and help with emotional regulation. The support of the adult enables the child to cope and come back to a regulated state.
Toxic stress is when the child has recurring stressful experiences without the protection and support of an adult. Continuous exposure to adversity in this manner has negative short-term and long-term effects on a child.[2]
Stress in children can be effectively managed. Here, we will discuss how to cope with positive and tolerable stress in young children.
What Causes Stress in a Child?
The main causes of stress for young children include but are not limited to:
Tension or dysfunction in their home environment
School-related anxiety
Residual stress from the consequences of the Covid-19 pandemic
Moving house or city
Birth of a sibling
Recognize the Signs of Stress in Your Young Child
Stress in children may present differently than it does in adults. Often, a child expressing stress may be mistaken for one that is misbehaving. If your family is going through a difficult time, or your child is struggling with something, pay attention to what they are trying to communicate through their behavior.
Some examples of the way stress manifests in children:
Excessive whining, clinging, need for attention
Disturbance in sleep patterns
Expressing anxiety before going to school
Displaying anxiousness or worry around activities they used to enjoy
Behavioral changes
Complaints of stomachache or feeling ill
Disruption in their eating pattern
Anger, irritability, ‘acting out’
Tips for Managing Stress in Young Children
Young children love to be creative:
Ask them to tell the story of how they feel through art. This may give them relief. Ask them to describe what they have drawn. This can give you insight into how they are feeling and how they experience their emotions.
Listen to your child. Really listen:
Part of listening is acknowledging, accepting and appreciating. Praise your child when they make an effort to express themselves in a healthy way. Validate how they feel. Make sure they feel accepted, whatever emotion they are experiencing. It is best not to try to distract your child away from how they feel or diminish the weight of their emotion. Sometimes they just need to be heard and approved of. Being given the opportunity for healthy expression will enable them to come back to baseline.
Give them the language of feelings:
Kids are highly perceptive and can pick up the energy between people or the atmosphere in a room. But they may not be able to explain exactly what they have picked up or how it makes them feel. We have to give them the vocabulary and language they need to verbalize their discomfort. You can do this by naming easy to understand ‘feeling’ words like sad, happy, scared, etc. Use illustrations in picture books and read books about emotions with your child. This is an engaging and memorable way for a child to learn to attach words to how they feel. Huffpost has some great suggestions for this type of picture books for kids https://www.huffpost.com/entry/childrens-books-teach-kids-emotions_l_5f0cd6f3c5b6310dc15751c4.
There is great value in letting children express both their positive and negative emotions versus suppressing or ignoring them. Being able to identify feelings in themselves and others will help children develop emotional intelligence. It will also enable them to socialize and connect with other people.
While watching a show or movie, ask your child how a certain scene makes them feel. Ask them how they think a character in a show, movie or book is feeling. Point out feelings that can be observed in other people.
Talk it Through:
Sometimes it may help to come up with solutions with your child. Talk to them about what they need to feel better, safer, or less worried. Brainstorm ideas together and teach them to take a proactive approach towards their problems. This will show children that they have some control over how they respond and behave. When they are able to figure out healthy ways to feel better, it will give them the ability to self-soothe. Additionally, taking responsibility for themselves and their emotional health will eventually build in a child a sense of self-trust.
Teach them to plan ahead. For example, if they are going to be entering a new grade, they can make a plan beforehand of how they will handle it. Or they can save some school-morning anxiety by taking out their clothes for the next day the night before.
Model the Behavior:
One of the most beneficial practices you can do as a parent is to model the behavior you would like to see in your children. Your actions will speak louder than your words! When it comes to dealing with stressful or tense situations, identify how you are feeling, and voice what you will do in order to manage it or feel better. Then let your child see you doing just that.
For example, if your child behaves in a hurtful way, you could respond with, “Oh, that makes my feelings hurt.”
Or, if you are visibly stressed or upset, you could say, “The _____ makes me feel angry/worried. I’m going to _____ so I feel better.”
Let your child know that it is okay to have big, intense emotions – what matters is how we express them.
Establish Good Habits:
Make sure your child is getting enough sleep and is eating a nutritious, varied diet.
Get them involved in a sport or other extracurricular activity of their interest, but do not over-schedule them. Children need to have outside time, play time, and quiet time in order to get a balanced amount of stimulation. Physical activity is as important as having some down time at home.
Try to limit the amount of time your child spends on the screen, especially before bedtime.
Get the Support You Need
If you or your child are feeling overwhelmed or are struggling to manage stress, consider mental health services such as therapy for children or family counseling. Through therapy, your child will have an opportunity to process their thoughts and emotions with the gentle guidance of a therapist who is trained in child development. It provides a child with a safe, trusting relationship with an adult outside of the home, with whom they can talk about difficult subjects.
Through therapy, a child can explore their feelings, develop emotional regulation skills, and learn healthy ways to process events in their life. They will also learn how to express themselves in an effective way.
We also offer joint therapy for parents and children. Through this treatment, we will work with you and your child to help you become emotionally closer. You will gain tools that will aid you in becoming better attuned to your child, and help you navigate challenging experiences.
Contact Trust Mental Health for a free 15 minute consultation. We have a team of experienced therapists from diverse backgrounds who speak multiple languages. We will match you with a therapist best suited to you and your child’s individual needs.
Toxic Stress
While this article has dealt mainly with positive and tolerable stress in children, we must also give mention to toxic stress.
Examples of toxic childhood stress include:
Neglect or abuse
Extreme poverty
Mental illness in a caregiver
Caregiver substance abuse
Incarcerated parent
Exposure to domestic violence
Toxic childhood stress is intense, frequent, and can be prolonged. It occurs without the nurturing, guiding support of an adult.
“This kind of prolonged activation of the stress response systems can disrupt the development of brain architecture and other organ systems, and increase the risk for stress-related disease and cognitive impairment, well into the adult years… it can have a cumulative toll on an individual’s physical and mental health—for a lifetime. The more adverse experiences in childhood, the greater the likelihood of developmental delays and later health problems, including heart disease, diabetes, substance abuse, and depression. Research also indicates that supportive, responsive relationships with caring adults as early in life as possible can prevent or reverse the damaging effects of toxic stress response.”[3]
If you or someone you know has experienced toxic childhood stress, it is not too late to get help. Trust Mental Health therapists are experienced in trauma therapy, talk therapy, and anxiety and depression therapy. See our full range of therapeutic services here. Reach out to us today.