Loneliness, Valentine’s Day, and Your Mental Health
Valentine’s Day may possibly be one of the most hyped-up days of the year. The expectations for this day are almost too many to list! The media marketing machine plays a large role in the consumerism and pressure. We are bombarded with images of happily partnered people. We hear about Valentine’s Day surprises, plans, and gifts. We are asked, “What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?” Or, “I need a date for Valentine’s Day”; “I do not want to be alone on Valentine’s Day.”
Even the day after Valentine’s Day we hear about the fabulous gesture that someone’s significant other did for them; or the masses of flowers they received, the amazing dinner date, etc., etc. The messaging can make you feel bad if you are not in a romantic relationship. It can also heighten feelings of loneliness you may be experiencing. At times, those who are single around this time of year may feel a sense of ‘wrongness’.
Am I Lonely?
A 2020 survey conducted by Cigna showed that 58% of Americans are considered lonely.
How do you know that you are lonely? Some people are very aware of their feelings of loneliness and wish for company. Others may not even realize that what they are feeling is, in fact, loneliness. Still others may not want to accept that what they are experiencing is deep loneliness.
People who are lonely may exhibit signs of depression. Loneliness and depression may be linked, but the difference between the two states is that depression is a mental health condition and loneliness is a feeling.
How much time do you spend alone? Do you avoid the company of others even when it is easy to join them? For example, do you eat lunch alone at school or while at work?
Do you find it hard to complete tasks? Loneliness can cause a lack of motivation, interest, and drive in your professional and personal life.
Are you focusing more on the negative? People who are lonely spend more energy on what is not working.
Loneliness and Your Mental Health
Your feelings of loneliness can be exacerbated by any underlying mental health conditions you may have. As we have mentioned above, there is a link between loneliness and depressive symptoms.
There is also a connection between loneliness and how you feel about yourself. If you have low self-worth and lack confidence, you may be less inclined to seek out social situations. You may feel signs of anxiety when you think about going out and trying to connect with people. This avoidance then becomes a self-perpetuating cycle. You may feel that you are unable to connect with people on a deeper level.
Participating in social situations may cause you anxiety and tire you out. This is often a symptom of someone suffering from chronic loneliness.
You may feel like you are not being seen or heard. It may seem like no one is paying attention to your voice or your presence. You may think that others do not understand you. The result of this is that you feel lonely even when you are in the company of others. This is an isolating and disconnected experience.
Loneliness and Your Physical Health
“Loneliness and social isolation – even for people who like to be alone – can be as harmful to health as obesity, smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic. People suffering from loneliness are much higher risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia and depression. In 2017, the U.S. Surgeon General called loneliness a public health epidemic.” [1]
Pervasive and prolonged loneliness has been linked to certain health conditions. It can result in higher stress levels, which in turn can affect your blood pressure and heart health. Chronic stress lowers your immunity, also making you susceptible to health conditions. You may find that you tire easily and get sick more often.
Loneliness can also affect your sleeping and eating patterns. For example, someone may overeat in order to compensate for their lack of company.
Please remember that not everyone that prefers to spend more time alone than with company is lonely. Some people genuinely do need less social interaction and stimulation than others. Loneliness is a feeling and a gap between how much social connection you need and how much you are getting.
How Can I Feel Less Lonely?
Try getting involved with others. Productive activities that provide you with meaningful interaction and connection are best.
Reduce the time you spend on social media. While social media platforms have made communication faster and easier, they do not facilitate genuine connections. Scrolling through images and videos of people supposedly living their ‘best’ lives while you feel isolated can make you feel worse. Unfollow those accounts that make you feel less than, left out, or like you are missing something in life. Reroute the time you spend on aimlessly browsing through social media towards finding ways to get social. For example, you could find opportunities to volunteer your time. Not only will this give you a sense of fulfillment, but you will also have a way to become a part of a community.
Consider becoming a member of a club. This could be a yoga session, a gathering of people that share the same hobby, a book club, etc. Being a part of a group will give you a sense of belonging and something to look forward to. Spending time with people with common interests will help you develop true relationships.
Also, as we recommend in almost every blog: take care of yourself by keeping healthy eating, sleeping, and exercise habits. These three things are integral to your physical and mental health. Get some sun, take a walk in nature – do something that feels good to your mind and body.
And finally, to bring it back to where we started – Valentine’s Day. Take the pressure off yourself. If you do not have a romantic partner, that is okay. You do not have to mark this day in any way at all. You can treat it like any other day. However, if you would like to do something, get together a group of like-minded friends. Remember, there is no need to buy into the hype. Shift your attention from the marketed version of Valentine’s Day to what you currently enjoy and are grateful for.
FAQs
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If you feel overwhelmed by how you feel and need support, contact us for a free 15 minute consultation. Trust Mental Health has therapists that specialize in trauma-based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. We will match you with a trauma therapist near you that is suited to your unique needs.
We have three locations in the Bay Area. You can attend your therapy sessions either in-person or online, via telehealth. Our diverse team of BIPOC therapists speaks more than 10 languages. We also offer faith-based therapy and LGBTQ+ therapy.
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REFERENCES:
[1] https://www.unitedway.org/