The Drama Triangle: Rescuer, Victim, and Persecutor
We often occupy certain roles within our relationships, interpersonal dynamics, and outlook on life. These roles can either add to or detract from our interactions with people, work, challenges, and various life situations. The Drama Triangle is a psychological concept that is often used to explain these dynamics. The concept involves three roles: the Rescuer, the Victim, and the Persecutor. We may be inculcating these roles either in ourselves or in our children and not realize any toxic behavioral patterns we may be following. Understanding the interplay of these dynamics can help you with better communication and managing conflicts, and can lead to a healthier world outlook and good relationships.
Table of Contents:
The Rescuer
A rescuer ensures that they come across as helpful, problem-solving martyrs. Below are some common traits associated with a rescuer.
Martyr Mindset
Rescuers often view themselves as martyrs. They consistently sacrifice their own wants, needs and well-being for the sake of others. This can lead to feelings of resentment and bitterness in them. They may also feel like they are being taken for granted as they seem to always be overextending themselves. This can also cause burn out.
Weak Boundaries
In the act of rescuing, rescuers may overlook their own personal boundaries. They may struggle to establish and enforce healthy boundaries, thereby perpetuating the cycle of resentment and feeling taken for granted.
Validation or Control
When taking a closer look at the actions of the rescuer, it becomes apparent that the motivation for their behavior – whether they are aware of this or not - is often a desire for either validation or control. Additionally, their self-worth is often tied to the seemingly heroic ways in which they help others. When someone acknowledges how the rescuer helped them, it adds to the rescuer's sense of self – reinforcing the rescuer mindset. Being recognized for doing things for others that seem, on the surface, to be selfless is also linked to the rescuer’s self-esteem.
Rescuing others can put you in a position of control to a certain degree. For example, when solving a problem for someone, a rescuer may believe that they know better, and make a decision without first obtaining consent. This can be frustrating for those on the receiving end, and may even complicate their problem. Knowing that another person depends on them for assistance can also reinforce a sense of control in the rescuer.
Avoidance
Sometimes, a rescuer will help others in order to distract away from their own issues and emotions. Rescuing can be used as a strategy to avoid dealing with their own problems.
Enabling
By continuously ‘saving’ others, rescuers can unintentionally enable unhealthy behavioral patterns. They may try to absolve others of responsibility or help them avoid the consequences of their choices and actions.
Who are Rescuers?
People in a variety of situations can take on the role of rescuer. This includes parent-child relationships and other family dynamics, the workplace, friendships, and intimate partner relationships. It could be one sibling constantly bailing out another. A parent who attempts to prevent their children from making mistakes and solves their problems can also fall into the category of a rescuer. In a professional setting, a rescuer could be someone who constantly ‘takes one for the team’, or takes on extra work in order to help their coworkers.
The Victim
A person in the victim role believes and feels that they are helpless and powerless. They think that things happen to them and often rescind control over and responsibility for their decisions and actions. Below we detail a few common characteristics of victims.
Projecting Blame
You may have heard people say, “Why do these things always happen to me?”. Victims often embody a ‘woe is me’ mindset. They tend to blame external factors for whatever is going wrong for them instead of being self-aware and looking inwards. Their sense of self is defined as a passive recipient of difficult circumstances or negativity.
Passive-Aggressive Behavior
A victim often indulges in passive-aggressive behavior and language. In this way, they avoid direct communication. This enables them to externalize blame, side-step responsibility, and justifies their view that their wants and needs are overlooked. It also reinforces their lack of inaction around improving their lot. For example, they may say things like:
“Well, if they did not know that I was sick because they did not care to ask, why should I inform them?”
Or:
“I don’t expect anything from anyone. If they don’t care enough to check in, why should I reach out?”
Perceived Helplessness & Lack of Control
Perceived helplessness and lack of control are traits of someone with a victim mindset. They consider themselves unable to exert any influence over their lives or what happens to them. This can affect their ability to make decisions, and reinforces their belief that they are dependent on some external factor. Examples of such an external factor include a person, a job, or physical ability. This perception results in making excuses for themselves and possibly even believing these excuses.
Finally, this view of themselves results in victims needing reassurance, assistance, and sympathy from others. They often turn to a person who will enable and validate their victimhood – like a rescuer.
Solution Averse
Victims often resist solutions. Following a solution through to fruition means that they would have to step out of the victim role, which is familiar to them and a comfort zone. The avoidance of problem-solving strategies and tools for change and growth permits their general passivity and absolves them of responsibility. Due to this, the victim may experience the same challenges and struggles repeatedly.
Who are Victims?
Just like rescuers, people with a victim tendency can be found in a variety of environments. It could be a partner, a co-worker, a friend, or a family member. For example, in a professional setting, a victim could be the person who takes on too much work, complains about it, but does nothing to change it. In a romantic relationship, the victim may complain about how a certain aspect of their partner’s behavior negatively affects them, but takes no action to communicate or improve the situation.
The Persecutor
The persecutor is considered the more aggressive of the three concepts in the Drama Triangle. Below are some traits that are commonly associated with persecutors.
Insecurity Driven Aggression
Persecutors may demean, criticize, or show a lack of empathy for others. Their behavioral patterns are usually fueled by their own fears or insecurities.
Blame
Instead of showing compassion and empathy, persecutors may blame others for the adverse results of their mistakes and actions. They usually approach these situations with a sense of anger or indignation over the other person’s circumstances.
Anger
An aggressive, cynical, or angry outlook is often demonstrated by persecutors. They may come across as bitter, resentful, or manipulative. This hard, often intimidating demeanor is used as a shield to deflect from their own inner turmoil or vulnerabilities. They also may use it as a way to feel a sense of dominance or even as self-defense.
Trouble with Being Vulnerable
A persecutor has a great deal of trouble being vulnerable in front of others, and in acknowledging their weaknesses to themselves. This is also tied in to their fear of rejection. As a distraction from their own faults, they project their shortcomings and insecurities onto others.
Who are Persecutors?
As mentioned before, the concepts highlighted in the Drama Triangle can be found in a variety of life situations. A persecutor can be a parent, a friend, a partner, or a co-worker. For example, an overbearing boss who berates employees and criticizes without offering constructive feedback can have persecutor tendencies. A parent who is overly critical and punitive towards their child – again, without offering gentle and constructive strategies for growth – can also be considered a persecutor. A friend with persecutor tendencies may get angry at you, chastise you, and blame you for a problem you have instead of offering compassion and listening.
Is it Possible to Break Out?
You can free yourself of the role of rescuer, victim, or persecutor. Below we have outlined a few strategies.
Work on Self-awareness
The first step to growth and empowerment is to gain a true sense of self-awareness. You can do this by practicing mindfulness, establishing a regular meditation practice, or journaling. The main aspect of this is to find some quiet time during which you can honestly reflect on your patterns, behavior, and reactions.
Communicate
Direct, assertive but polite, and earnest communication is essential to getting your wants, needs, and feelings heard. Good communication is not just about speaking and sharing, but also involves active listening. Think about the language you use daily: is it aggressive? Passive-aggressive? Defeatist? Blaming?
Boundaries
Setting and enforcing healthy personal boundaries is a must. Get comfortable saying no gently but assertively. Prioritize your self-care, growth, and introspection.
Manage Conflict
Find ways to cope with conflict in ways that are mutually respectful and collaborative. Focus on problem-solving and understanding instead of blame and critiques. Seeking the help of a professional therapist through individual therapy can help you identify unhealthy patterns and areas you can work on.
Empowerment
Work on empowering yourself by doing things that build up your self-esteem and sense of identity. Acquire tools that will enable you to be more assertive, authentic, and proactive in your life. There are numerous books written by leaders in the field of self-improvement and wellness that you can read for guidance. Individual therapy can help you work through challenges and unhealthy patterns. Therapy can also guide you towards self-compassion and greater self-worth.
Finally, remember that not everyone falls into one of these three roles, and it is best to avoid snap judgements and labeling yourself or others.
Key Points
Below are the main takeaways from this article.
Some people fall into certain psychological roles: the rescuer, the victim, or the persecutor.
The rescuer often views themselves as a martyr. They sacrifice their own wants, needs and well-being for the sake of others.
The victim believes that they are helpless and powerless. They often rescind control over and responsibility for their decisions and actions.
The persecutor is driven by their own insecurities and fears. They may demean, criticize, or show a lack of empathy for others.
FAQs
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Individual therapy is a therapeutic process in which a trained mental health professional works one-on-one with a client to address their emotional, psychological, and behavioral issues. It provides a safe and confidential space for individuals to explore their thoughts, feelings, and concerns.
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Individual therapy can benefit people of all ages and backgrounds who are dealing with a wide range of challenges. These can include anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, grief, addiction, stress, and more. It is suitable for those seeking personal growth, self-discovery, or support during difficult times.
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While talking to friends and family can provide emotional support, individual therapy offers several advantages. Therapists are trained professionals who offer objective, non-judgmental perspectives. Your therapist can provide evidence-based strategies tailored to address specific issues.