Young Men Must Start Embracing Vulnerability
Increasingly, society is seeing the effects of toxic gender roles and stereotypes. These affect people of all ages and backgrounds, but are particularly damaging to our youth. Too often, young men are conditioned from early childhood that to be a man you have to be tough, unemotional, and in control. The stigma around showing weakness or sensitivity has adverse effects on their mental health, relationships, and functioning in society. Embracing vulnerability should be encouraged in young men. They must feel safe in expressing their emotions, seeking help when needed, and prioritizing their mental wellbeing.
Societal Expectations
A lot of what society expects from young men does not complement personal growth or healthy emotional regulation. In many segments of society, and from early on, young men are conditioned to blindly accept certain norms and pressures. Conformity is often the only path to acceptance. These norms and expectations include gender roles, how to (or not to) express emotion, ways to be a ‘man’, and rejecting weakness. This can create inner conflict when how a man feels on the inside does not match with the kind of man they are ‘supposed’ to be or the image they are meant to be upholding.
This kind of restrictive outlook on what a man ‘should’ be limits emotional maturity, personal potential, and range of experience.
Effects of societal expectations and norms
Repressing who you really are and ignoring your authentic self can cause identity issues, mental health struggles, and low self-worth. The model of toxic masculinity works on receiving acceptance, approval, and validation from the outside world. It ignores the deeper inner world of young men who are subjected to it.
Our self-worth can be described as a pyramid (see graphic below) that is made up of self-awareness and self-acceptance at the base, and self-love at the pinnacle. Young men who feel they have no choice but to obey the toxic gender roles imposed on them may not be at peace with who they are. They cannot truly accept themselves, which causes an underlying internal conflict.
Young men subjected to the limitations of toxic masculinity may have to deny their true self in order to fit in. Doing this decreases emotional well-being and personal fulfillment. This puts teenage boys, who already face all sorts of pressures, more at risk for developing depression and anxiety.
Resisting social norms
Expecting young men to resist societal norms in order to become healthy, expressive humans seems like a lot to ask. It takes guts and self-belief to challenge the dysfunction of the macho male ideal. However, doing so can lead to a more fulfilling life that is in alignment with healthier values and an enlightened outlook.
Part of embracing your vulnerability means having the courage to be different and stand out as an individual. By showing your individuality, you may be leaving yourself open to criticism or judgment. But by honoring your own uniqueness and that of others, you are helping to create a more inclusive conversation.
Redefining Masculinity Through Vulnerability
Vulnerability is a strength. It cultivates emotional intelligence by enabling you to develop an understanding of your own emotions, and those of others. Heightened emotional awareness will help you navigate relationships, conflicts, and challenges. Additionally, vulnerability opens up an inner space, in which you can become attuned to your authentic self. From this space, you can acknowledge your true thoughts and feelings. Genuine self-expression increases self-acceptance, inner peace, and confidence.
Challenging stereotypes
In order to move away from unhealthy gender norms, we need to challenge stereotypes. Typical toxic masculinity does not allow for men to be expressive with their emotions, show weakness, or be vulnerable. For example, it is considered unmanly to cry or exhibit emotional pain, be affectionate, or show tenderness. However, when young men are given the space to be vulnerable, they can give those hidden parts of themselves humanity.
There is a broad range of broad emotions young men can and should experience once they are given a chance to be vulnerable and open. They need to understand that it is okay to not be okay.
By removing the armor of masculinity, you will open up to new ways of navigating challenges and resolving conflicts. This will lead to increased self-worth and a sense of identity behind and beyond the machismo.
Rigid Masculinity and Mental Health
Traditional, rigid norms of masculinity can contribute to higher rates of mental health issues among men. Due to the dysfunctional concept of maleness, men are less likely to seek support or talk about how they really feel. They may be disconnected with their emotions and with themselves. Young men who are concerned about how they come across to their peers may not feel comfortable addressing their struggles or even admit that they are struggling. For example, a college student who suffers from panic attacks or anxiety may not reach out for help out of fear of being labelled as weak or unmanly. Mental health in young men is a pressing concern.
Repressing emotions
Repressing emotions and projecting an image of control, strength, and toughness can take its toll. Years of pent-up stress, sadness, or pain can manifest in unhealthy ways. It can also create a disconnect within yourself. When you lose touch with your true feelings, you also lose the mind-body connection, which is essential to understanding your emotional state.
Encouraging young men to express and process their emotions helps them develop a healthier emotional life. It can prevent a build-up of smothered feelings that may lead to mental health issues later in life such as depression or anxiety disorders.
Isolation
Many young men are unable to have meaningful conversations about their worries, fears, pain, or trauma. They have to maintain the appearance of independence, toughness, and control. This can result in isolation and feelings of loneliness.
Risk-seeking behaviors
To conform to the norms of toxic masculinity and prove their manhood, young men often seek out dangerous behavior. They may partake in substance abuse, aggression, or other reckless behavior.
Stunted self-expression
Emotional stoicism restricts the full expression of your identity and interests. Young men that are under pressure to abide by gender roles may avoid activities or hobbies that are considered ‘feminine.’ This limits their ability to fully recognize their potential in a variety of areas.
Embracing Vulnerability
Rigid ideals of masculinity put strain on relationships. Boys and young men struggle with showing compassion and sympathy. They are unable to communicate intimately with their partners or friends. However, when we are permitted to embrace all the facets of ourselves, we are able to connect with others and nurture meaningful relationships. By accepting their vulnerabilities, young men can create relationships based on trust, emotional depth, and good communication.
Expansive self-expression
Once you feel comfortable with your vulnerable side, you will be empowered to explore your passions and interests. By being open to new experiences and taking risks, you can discover activities, hobbies, and pursuits that actually resonate with you.
How sharing vulnerability can help your relationship
When you are open about your thoughts, feelings, and who you are, it creates an environment of trust and understanding in your relationships. It allows you to develop honest bonds with friends, romantic partners, and family members. Feeling accepted, seen, and heard gives a person a sense of security. So, you become receptive to validation and support, and then are able to give it also.
Sharing vulnerability will enable you to be compassionate and empathize with another person’s point of view. This will lead to more effective communication and conflict resolution in relationships.
Teaching young men to accept vulnerability as a part of being a man can also change the dynamics of outmoded gender roles. It can shift the attitudes of power and control to those of mutual respect and equality. Being vulnerable means you have to let go of norms that enforce your dominance and instead try collaboration and power sharing. In this way, you will gain insight into other points of view.
Personal growth
Vulnerability is an essential part of personal growth and self-discovery. Letting down your guard offers you an opportunity to confront your self-doubt, flaws, and learn from your mistakes. It creates space for maturity and for tolerance of the parts of you that are not that strong. For example, acknowledging that you are exposed to being hurt emotionally; or that a certain part of a movie makes you sad.
Be responsive to feedback and support from trusted individuals. This feedback, whether positive or constructive, can help you identify those beliefs or patterns that you need to reassess.
Self-reflection
Vulnerability is fuel on a person’s journey of self-discovery and identity. Being vulnerable encourages you to reflect on your fears, wants, and discomfort. It lets you explore and further develop your core beliefs, passions, and aspirations. Be honest with yourself about your strengths and areas that need growth.
Support
By modelling openness and emotional expression, you make room for others to be vulnerable as well. This can create a supportive culture where individuals feel like they belong. Other young men may feel comfortable reaching out for help and sharing their own struggles. This will be useful in groups like athletic teams, fraternities, and other peer groups where restrictive masculine traits are cultivated. They need to know it is okay to be vulnerable!
While being vulnerable is beneficial, you need to use good judgment and choose trusted individuals or support networks to share your emotions and experiences with.
How Vulnerability Can Help with Healing
The relief you get from releasing pent-up emotions helps healing and resolution.
There are certain responses that are stigmatized as too “weak” or “effeminate” for a man to engage in. However, these will help you confront and process difficult events, trauma, and emotions. You can develop a more nuanced and healthy relationship with your feelings.
An important step in the healing journey is to release shame and self-blame. Acknowledge the tender or wounded parts of yourself. Consciously challenge negative self-perceptions and embrace self-compassion. You will realize that you are not defined by your perceived weaknesses.
The table below lists tips that can help young men break out of unhealthy conditioning.
| Recognize the positive impact of breaking out of toxic masculinity: | What kind of relief will you get? What will become easier for you? Which of your interests will you be free to pursue? |
| Find safe spaces: | Open up to trusted individuals in safe environments - support groups, individual therapy, close family and friends. |
| Be self-compassionate: | Embracing vulnerability takes courage and time. Be kind and patient with yourself. |
| Small steps: | Start by sharing experiences, insecurities, or feelings that are easier and less intense. |
| Listen! | Listen actively when others are being vulnerable with you. How does it make you feel when they are sharing? |
| Question your negative self-talk: | What stereotypes have you most deeply internalized? |
|
Assess your media consumption: |
What kind of messages are you receiving on social media, TV, or other platforms? |
| Mentor: | Be a mentor and role model for other young men. |
| Challenge your beliefs about masculinity: | Why do you think this way? |
| Think about whether your core values and sense of purpose align with your actions: | What are you sacrificing to maintain the image of manliness? |
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