A Guide to Overcoming Social Anxiety
Do you feel like you are on the outside looking in?
Do you often worry about what other people think of you?
Does the idea of attending a social gathering make you feel nervous and anxious?
If this sounds like your experience, it may be time to look at your social anxiety. Social Anxiety Disorder (SDA) is characterized by an overwhelming concern about being negatively judged, watched, or sized up by others. This fear can affect your performance at school, work, sports, and interfere with your daily interactions. SDA is not the same thing as being introverted or shy. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, approximately 15 million adults in the United States live with SDA.
Social anxiety can often go unnoticed until it becomes severe enough to start hindering your everyday life. It can be not only debilitating but also isolating, as those suffering from it tend to avoid social situations whenever possible.
Social anxiety is a natural feeling, but it can be exhausting in some cases. The ability to talk to people and form friendships are among the most important skills that you can have. Knowing how to handle these situations with confidence can make you more successful both personally and professionally.
Symptoms of Social Anxiety
Common symptoms of social anxiety are listed below.
Nervousness or tension
Sweating, trembling, and nausea
Dizziness, dry mouth
Blushing
Having trouble saying the ‘right’ thing or getting words out
Fear of offending someone
Fear that others will think you are dull or stupid
Worrying about a social engagement days or weeks before it happens
Fear of speaking in class, a work meeting, or in a group
Feeling highly uncomfortable or out of place in a social gathering
Feeling very self-conscious, especially when doing a task while others are watching you
Experiencing shame or disappointment over your social anxiety
Overthinking what you could have said or what you actually said
Avoiding social situations
Overcoming Social Anxiety
Social situations can be hard to cope with, but there are ways to make it easier.
Gentle and Gradual Exposure to Social Anxiety-Inducing Situations
The benefits of socializing are limitless. It can help us to relieve stress, make new friends, and improve our interpersonal skills. The social networks we maintain serve as the foundation for our life, society, and culture. When we feel lonely or disconnected from those around us, it has a negative emotional and physical effect on us. So, it is essential to keep up with your family and friends by making time for them in your life.
Socializing can be a scary task for someone who has social anxiety. Try to join activities outside your home - such as going for a walk or cooking dinner with friends. If you get invited to do something social, try to make a new habit out of accepting the invitation. Sometimes saying "Yes" can be just as freeing as saying "No." Getting socially involved will build your confidence, and eventually boost your happiness and self-esteem when you are with others.
This is also something that is worked on in anxiety therapy or individual therapy. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most commonly recommended treatment for social anxiety. CBT focuses on identifying negative thought patterns and challenging them. As a part of CBT, exposure therapy involves gradually entering situations that cause you anxiety. Through regular sessions, you learn to confront and desensitize yourself to the social situations you fear. Over time, repeated exposure can help reduce the anxiety these situations trigger.
Confide in Close Friends or Family
It will help if your close friends or family are aware of your struggle with social anxiety. Confide in those close to you, and describe to them the situations that trigger your anxious feelings. Having someone that understands what you go through will give you the extra support you may need at a social event or engagement.
How are You Feeling?
When you are in an anxiety-inducing situation, it can help to ‘check in’ with yourself. This means being aware of what your senses are doing. Pay attention to what you are looking at, what you are hearing, or the texture of the chair you are sitting in. By being mindful in this way, you can distract yourself from the physical sensations of anxiety. It can also help you notice what triggers your anxiety and how it makes you feel, allowing you to decrease the intensity of the symptom over time.
A few ways you can be mindful are:
- Observe negative feelings as they happen, without trying to change them
- Notice how hard your heart beats or how fast you breathe
- Focus on the temperature of something that is touching your skin
- Notice how a particular smell makes you feel
Practice Self-Care
Feeling calm and well-looked after in general can have a positive impact on your well-being. It can also help to reduce your overall anxiety, which will have a trickle-down effect on your social anxiety.
In order to feel better on the whole, you must take care of essential needs like good sleep, healthy eating habits, and getting exercise. Other self-care practices can include doing things that make you feel relaxed, happy, or comfortable. For example, you can play with your pet, have a conversation with your child, go for a walk, do some gardening, watch a comedy, or read a good book. When you bring calm and pockets of enjoyment into your daily life, you can create a mental and emotional shift for the better.
Handling Social Anxiety
A work presentation:
The thought of entering the conference room makes my heart race. Presenting and speaking in front of co-workers makes me feel sick. I worry that I will forget what to say, that I will come across as amateur, and that everyone will be judging my ability to do this job.
How to cope: I make sure I am well-prepared. I rehearse my presentation multiple times at home. I think about potential questions and have responses ready. I practice taking and answering questions, especially difficult ones. I also create a visual aid, which will divert some attention away from me and provide a structure to follow.
A social gathering:
Social interactions at parties can be unpredictable and inconsistent, which is nerve-wracking. I worry about looking or sounding awkward, about standing by myself, and about people thinking I don’t have any friends there. I’m nervous about whether I will have someone there to hang out with.
How to cope: I find someone at the event that I know. Hopefully, starting with someone I am comfortable with can ease me into further interactions. To help with the fear of not having something interesting to say, before the event I think of simple conversation starters like, "I just watched ____________. Have you seen it?" If I am feeling overwhelmed at any point by my anxiety during a social situation, I will excuse myself from the conversation.
An important conversation:
When I have to talk with someone about something important to me or difficult, I feel a sense of dread. My stomach feels queasy. I worry about their reaction, about whether I will make sense, and how I will handle it if they argue or contradict me.
How to cope: I make a list of the points I need to discuss. Having this information in front of me helps to reduce my anxiety about getting things wrong or being unable to make my point. It will also help me to keep our talk on track. From the get-go, I give the discussion structure by saying, “I’d like to discuss a few things. May I go through them with you?"
Joining a new group or class:
The thought of entering a room full of people I don’t know is quite daunting. I feel that from the time I walk in to the time I’m seated, everyone is staring at me and assessing me. I even feel conscious about the way I’m walking!
How to cope: I arrive to the class or group meeting early. This helps me to get used to the room, my seating area, and I get to people-watch as others arrive. Getting there before others takes away the nerves I have about being observed or being late. If possible, I start a short conversation with someone next to me by saying, “Hi, is this your first time here?”
Eating in public:
I get self-conscious when eating in front of others. I’m too aware of every bite I take and what I look like while eating. I worry I have food on my face, about spilling something, coughing up food, or just looking awkward.
How to cope: I choose food that is not messy or drippy, and that I can eat without having to take large bites out of. I take smaller bites and cut my food into manageable pieces.
Getting Help
If you are suffering from social anxiety, consider professional help. With the right therapist, you can learn coping mechanisms to reduce your symptoms. Social anxiety is a powerful emotion that can manifest itself in many different ways. There are effective treatments that can help someone overcome social anxiety.
Trust Mental Health offers mental health therapy in California. We can provide you with access to licensed, BIPOC therapists who have experience helping people overcome their social anxiety and live happier, more fulfilling lives. If you want more information on how we can help you or someone you care about overcoming social fear, please contact us today.
FAQs
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Social anxiety, also known as social anxiety disorder (SAD), is a mental health condition characterized by a persistent, intense fear of being watched or judged by others. This fear often leads to avoidance of social situations and can interfere with daily routines, work, school, and other activities.
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Symptoms can include intense fear in social situations, avoidance of social events, rapid heartbeat, trembling, sweating, nausea, difficulty speaking, and negative thoughts about oneself in social settings.
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While shyness and social anxiety may seem similar, social anxiety is more intense and can severely disrupt your life. It is not about being introverted or feeling shy, social anxiety involves intense fear, dread, or nervousness.
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Treatment can include anxiety therapy, medication, exposure therapy, or a combination of these. Support groups and self-help techniques can also be beneficial.