Depression During the Holidays
The holiday season is seen as a time of cheer and joy. We are bombarded with media messages about the happiness the holiday season brings. We are told to be happy, be joyful, laugh, and not have a care. We see images of warm and inviting family gatherings. We see beautifully decorated Christmas trees and tables set for Christmas dinner. Houses are adorned both inside and out with festive lights. Everywhere you look there is a new ‘trending’ Christmas tradition. You read about the ‘best’ gifts for your father or partner. New recipes for pies and cookies and desserts. The new ‘best’ way to decorate your tree. New traditions to bring your family closer together. Holiday themed movies are released. TV shows have special Christmas episodes.
But what if all of this triggers your depressive symptoms and make you feel your depression more keenly? For many people, this is exactly what happens. The holidays become a period of mental exhaustion and emotional depletion.
You may feel guilty or ungrateful for being depressed during this time of year. You may feel like you are letting your family down by being unable to authentically engage and enjoy the holidays. The very thought of being amidst all the seasonal excitement exhausts you. Remember, you are not a Scrooge! You are struggling with depression.
Seasonal Affective Disorder
Some people suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). This type of depression is triggered by changes in the seasons. It usually begins around the start of winter and can continue throughout the cold season.
There are symptoms that may present in winter-onset depression or SAD. These symptoms include fatigue, change in eating patterns, cravings, oversleeping, and weight gain. Pay attention to how you are feeling as the season changes. This will enable you to be better prepared and start treatment (if needed) earlier.
Why Do I Feel More Depressed During the Holidays?
Your depression may be in the form of the holiday blues, or it can be a pre-existing condition. There are a multitude of causes for depression during the holidays.
Expectations
Consider the number of expectations around this holiday season. People expect to travel to see family, or expect to host guests. There are family gatherings and events with friends. You or your loved ones may have a set idea about how the holiday should be. You may feel that you are expected to buy a certain kind of gift for some people.
Finances
Then there is the pressure to consume, spend, and buy. There may be demands on you from your children or spouse for specific items. People feel more financial strain in the days and weeks leading up to Christmas. This can be quite distressing for those that already have debt. You may feel guilty that you are not able to give the kind of gifts you would like to or that your children and family ask for. Financial stress can last even once the holiday season is over.
Family Dynamics
You may have to deal with difficult family members or social situations that are uncomfortable. You may be a single parent and not have your children with you this holiday. You may be grieving the loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship.
Memories
Our memories of Christmases past and the nostalgia they evoke can also cause sadness. Maybe the holiday is no longer what it used to be for us. This could be due to changes in circumstances, relationships, health, or family structure.
Disturbed Routine
It can also be distressing when the routine we are used to gets thrown off in the busyness of the holiday season. Your self-care habits can get negatively affected. You may not be eating properly – or you may be overeating. Your sleep cycle can get disturbed. Missing exercise sessions can also add to a general feeling of malaise.
Pressure to Be Happy
There is also pressure to embody the holiday spirit and be merry and joyous all the time. This is not something that is achievable for everyone. People expect excitement for the holidays from others. You may be asked about your plans and have to hear about other people’s holiday merriment. Many people feel fatigued after faking it for the sake of their children, spouse, family, or friends. Not being able to join in and engage with the holiday spirit can make you feel left out and lonely.
“When everyone is singing Christmas songs to their heart’s delight, Christmas decorations flashing at you from left, right and centre and people constantly asking you if you are excited for the festive season, it can all very quickly become overwhelming for somebody struggling with depression.
In my experience, having depression at Christmas time was something I hated, as it mixed with the looming anxiety of having to pretend to feel the Christmas spirit when really, I never felt anything at all. As Christmas approaches each year, it’s like everyone forgets their problems and they feed off the ‘Christmas spirit’ that I was never able to grasp. It made me feel alienated…”[1]
Tips to Help You Cope this Season
There are some things you can do to help you cope with possible holiday blues or existing depression during the upcoming holidays.
Think the Season Through
Reflect on what aspects of this holiday cause you the most stress and anxiety. What triggers you? What intensifies your depressive symptoms? Think about what you will be doing, and how you will be spending the major occasions. What does this make you feel? If it makes you feel worse or anxious, perhaps it is something you could reconsider taking part in.
Budget
Spend some time on a budget. Make a budget for spending on gifts, décor, travel, or a function you are hosting. This will give you a better financial picture. It will help avoid overspending and enable you to set up reasonable expectations.
Ask for Help
Is there someone you can call for support? It is good to have someone that you can reach out to when you need a little help or just someone to talk to. Ask for help – everyone may be busy at this time, but if you have some company while gift-shopping, for example, it can relieve some of the tension.
Plan ahead
Consider which invitations would add value to your holiday and which would drain you. Decide well ahead of time which functions you will attend and which you will decline to attend. This will help you plan and give you a better picture of how you will be spending your holiday. It will also enable you to find pockets of time for yourself.
Manage Expectations
Have a conversation with your children, spouse, parents, or other family about what to expect this year. When everyone has a clear understanding about what to expect and when, there will be less chance for conflict and disappointment.
Remember, you cannot please everyone and you should not try to. Attempting to meet everyone else’s expectations can lead you to overcommit and feel overwhelmed. Whittle your holiday to-do list down to a few key items. Free up some of your time and energy.
Allow Yourself the Space to Do Things Differently this Year
What about your holiday traditions? Are there any that you feel pressured to partake in or continue but that you would rather not? Consider making new traditions that serve you better. Or just keep those that bring you good feelings.
Try Doing Random Acts of Kindness
Yes, this is a term that is thrown around often, but it actually works! Helping someone, making someone smile, relieving the burden of another – this feeds our soul.
Go Outside
Spend some time outside on a sunny day. Sit by a window that lets in the sun. Light therapy helps alleviate symptoms of SAD.
Ignore the Hype
There is also a lot of hype about New Year’s. The marketing messages we receive from various media sources imply that New Year’s has to be a grand, landmark occasion. While celebrating the new year can be fun, it can also create pressure and anxiety about having a plan.
Reflect on what would actually bring you joy or peace on December 31st. Who would you actually like to spend this evening with? The way you celebrated New Year before (if you did celebrate it) may not work for you this year. Think about what you have the emotional and physical energy for. Do you feel like doing something different?
You may have heard of the pop culture term, FOMO – Fear of Missing Out. Maybe this year you can enjoy it’s opposite, ROMO – Relief of Missing Out!
People also view the new year as a marker of all they have not achieved in the last year. Change your perspective this time around and think of all you have experienced and accomplished.
Getting Support
If you are feeling stress and anxiety about the upcoming holidays, consider getting the support of a therapist. If you are already in therapy, perhaps booking a few extra sessions will give you the extra support you need around this time of the year.
Trust Mental Health has therapists from diverse backgrounds who speak multiple languages. Along with depression therapy and anxiety therapy, we also offer faith-based therapy. Contact us today for a free 15 minute consultation. We will match you with a therapist best suited to your specific needs.
FAQs
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Depression is an illness that requires treatment from a professional. Therapy helps you recover from depression, either with or without medication. It enables you to cope with your depressive symptoms and can protect against them returning.
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Depression therapy has been shown to help in reducing depressive symptoms in patients. Through depression therapy, therapists teach their clients methods to cope with and manage their symptoms. Consistent treatment with a professional can result in recovery and improved quality of life.
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Treatment involves regular sessions with a licensed mental health care professional, either in-person or online. In these sessions you will work through what is causing your depression. You will come to understand the patterns, behaviors, life events, and emotions that are involved in your depression.
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Click here to learn about depression therapy and its cost at Trust Mental Health.