Tips for Talking to Parents about Mental Health

Do you struggle with starting the conversation about mental health with your parents? Being vulnerable about your feelings can be a daunting and difficult task. Practicing effective communication skills and planning ahead can make a world of a difference. Here are some tips to help start the conversation.

Understand where your parents are coming from

Differences with parents typically begin around teenage years, when puberty hits. Teens are leaving behind childhood and embracing adulthood. Parents view this as a loss of a symbiotic relationship with their children. Conflicts arise if parents or children are dealing with their own trauma and abuse. For many BIPOC parents, intergenerational trauma, stigma, and lack of mental health resources can cause them to have more differences with their children. These differences result in parents viewing their child’s actions as resistance and defiance; while children internalize this as shame and rejection. For parents, their child growing up and becoming more independent can sometimes be a scary thing. It’s important to educate yourself and learn how to effectively communicate with them, while still maintaining your boundaries. 

Educate your parents about mental health

Educating yourself and gaining knowledge about what you are going through and what options you have can be helpful when communicating your feelings with your parents. Try to understand what you are feeling and look into the symptoms of mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc. (without self-diagnosing, of course). Let your parents know how they can help, such as booking an appointment with your doctor or being there for emotional support. Familiarizing them with mental health can aid in removing the stigma around it. 

Know when to seek help for mental health 

Different mental illnesses have their own array of symptoms. However, you might need professional help if you are experiencing the following:

• Changes in personality or unusual behavior

• Appetite changes 

• Extreme mood swings

• Extreme anxiety 

• Problems in thinking 

• Feeling disconnected

• Prolonged sadness 

• Substance misuse

• Inability to do typical daily activities

Seek help immediately or call 911 if you are experiencing suicidal intent or thoughts of harming others.

Some parents might think that these symptoms are a normal part of life and may not approve of professional treatment due to stigma or fear. You can ask them to consult your primary care doctor first to see if your symptoms are abnormal before reaching out to a mental health professional. Don’t hesitate to seek advice outside of your parents if you are unable to get the support you need. 

Learn how to effectively communicate with parents

Practicing communication skills is an essential part of being able to effectively express your thoughts. It might also be helpful to plan out what you want to say beforehand. 

Here are some effective communication tips: 

• It’s ok to ally with one parent whom you feel comfortable with

• Find a good time when you are most relaxed and can have their full attention

• Use “I” statements 

• Make sure you facing your parents and maintaining eye contact 

• Sandwich requests between two positive statements (sandwich communication). Ex: “I appreciate all that you have done for me and that you are hearing me out. It would be great If I could get some professional support beyond my family. This will help me better understand my feelings and be able to communicate with you more effectively.”

Get professional help

Courage comes from support. If you are unable to get your parents on board, seek help elsewhere. Find another trusted adult such as a school teacher, friend, family member, support networks, counselor, or mental health professional. You can ask them for help with how to move forward or in practicing the conversation. If you are a student, it’s likely your school can provide you with some kind of mental health support. 

Even though your parents might not react like you want or expect, don’t let that stop you from leaning into other avenues for support. Remember, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. If you are seeking professional help TMH is here for you. We have a diverse team of professional therapists that can speak many languages and are sensitive to the struggles of different cultures. Family therapy is an option to consider if you want some support in opening up about what you’re feeling. Sign up for a free 15-minute consultation with us to get started.