What is Couples Therapy and is it Right for You?
Table of content:
No relationship is perfect. When trying to build a life with someone, there are bound to be hiccups and miscommunications. Yet, while fights are inevitable, if they are constant and prolonged, they can leave lasting negative effects on the relationship and the individual. If you and your partner are struggling to stay together due to internal or external conflicts, it’s okay to ask for help; couples therapy is an excellent resource to improve and enhance your relationship with partners at any stage, whether you’re in a newly committed relationship, recently married, or have been married for several years.
Why do People Typically go to Couple Therapy?
Couples can go to therapy for multiple reasons. Here are the typical motivations for going, although every couple is different:
Addressing Relationship Issues (e.g. infidelity, household distribution, quality time, etc.)
Developing Communication Skills
Reigniting the Spark
Deepening Emotional Bonds
What Does Couple Therapy Look Like?
How Sessions Work for Couple Therapy?
Couples therapy is typically talk therapy, which means the session will mainly be about discussions surrounding the relationship. The majority of sessions will have both partners, although the therapist might want to have some individual sessions to understand each person's specific needs. Usually, the first few sessions will be about the therapist getting to know you better. Later on, the sessions will be more in-depth and intensive.
Location and Setting
Sessions will be in a therapeutic office setting or online. Therapy for couples online services can be valuable, especially if there are no couples therapists in your area.
Frequency and Duration of Sessions
The session duration typically lasts around 45 minutes to 60 minutes, with 55 minutes being the standard. Sessions are typically held once a week or every other week depending on the needs and availability of the couple. Couples can also start with every week and, once things improve, move to every other week.
Typically, therapy for couples ranges around 12-15 sessions. Multiple factors can determine how many sessions you need. For example, the severity of the issues, how fast or slow the process takes, and the specific goals. It is best to go into couples therapy without a specific time limit since tension can grow if problems cannot be resolved within that period.
What Kind of Therapy Approach is Best for Couples?
Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT)
The Society of Clinical Psychology explains that emotion-focused therapy is a therapeutic method that aims to create a secure connection between partners by working through emotional disconnection. EFT works in several stages. The first stage is to de-escalate destructive actions and be conscious of each other’s needs. This is done through understanding that negative interactions create patterns of distress. In the second stage, the couple is vulnerable with one another by sharing their complex emotions and needs. The third stage helps the couple problem-solve their conflicts and practice sharing a comfortable connection.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is an action-oriented treatment that helps clients become more aware of negative thought patterns. Using CBT during therapy for couples can help both partners take responsibility for the relationship and work together to fix problems. CBT tools help couples avoid miscommunications by vocalizing needs. The Beck Institute created three aims for CBT couples therapy: first is to recognize your values, second is to recognize your partner’s values, and last is to work through issues by collaborating.
Gottman Method
The Gottman Method, created by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, is based on the theory that couples staying together depends on how successfully they navigate through conflict. One example that Gottman found is that couples are more likely to stay together if they have at least five positive interactions per negative interaction during a conflict. There is also the Sound Relationship House Theory, a theory developed by Gottman that uses the metaphor of a house to describe a secure relationship. There are seven different “floors” and two “weight-bearing walls” a couple can explore. As an example, one floor asks the couple to share fondness and admiration, while another floor talks about looking at each other in a positive light. The Gottman method is also valuable for couples who do not have problematic conflicts but simply want to deepen their connection with each other.
Behavioral Couples Therapy (BCT)
Behavioral couples therapy is usually for couples in which one partner is going through alcohol and/or drug recovery. BCT is about improving relationships through acceptance and transforming the dynamic to help promote recovery from alcohol and/or drugs. When substances are being abused, there is a high chance of relationship dissatisfaction. BCT believes that behaviors do not occur in isolation so they encourage learning how to reward one’s partner for staying abstinent from substances.
The Benefits of Couples Therapy
Improving Communication
One of the benefits of couples therapy is to strengthen communication in a relationship. Therapy for couples creates a safe space to be honest and direct with one another, especially about hard conversations. This helps open up new dialogue and learn more about each other. Couples can also be given tools to utilize outside of therapy to facilitate more effective communication.
Resolving Conflicts
While conflicts are inevitable in relationships, they can still be difficult to navigate. Therapists for couples can resolve ongoing conflicts, reduce past resentments that are still affecting the relationship, and give strategies to prevent future conflicts. This is especially crucial since therapists for couples tend to take a neutral stand in conflicts and offer an objective point of view.
Additionally, the therapist will help couples gain self-awareness by providing tools and resources. For example, you may be given relationship worksheets to self-reflect and learn more on subjects like each other’s attachment styles.
Strengthening Emotional Connection
Couples therapy is proven to strengthen one’s emotional connection with their partner. If one or both partners feel disconnected, therapists for couples can facilitate a passionate bond. Improving communication and conflict resolution, as mentioned above, helps rebuild connection but, just as importantly, putting in the work together also proves to one another that you care enough to put in effort and grow as a couple.
Increased Intimacy and Satisfaction
One of the benefits of couples therapy is elevating intimate activities. Therapists for couples can also be trained in helping intimacy and providing support for creating a safe space in the bedroom. This is especially useful for rekindling sparks and feeling more physically connected with your partner.
Improved Overall Well-being
Relationships can affect your overall well-being. By working on your relationship in couples therapy, you can also notice other factors in your life improving. For instance, feeling less stressed, having more energy, feeling more self-assured, and overall life satisfaction. You may discover unconscious emotions and desires that you’ve been avoiding, cultivating opportunities for self-growth. Lastly, this work also helps teach you how to maintain individuality while in a relationship and cultivate self-worth.
How does couples therapy differ from couples counseling?
Couples Therapy vs Couples Counseling
Couples therapy and couples counseling have many similarities but are different in their approach and focus.
Couples therapy focuses on resolving specific issues, improving communication and trust, and strengthening emotional connection. Couples therapy can also be more intense and tend to dive deeper. It mainly focuses on preventing issues, discussing values and goals, and helping couples develop communication skills. In contrast, counseling is more short-term and goal-oriented while working on more concrete issues.
Therapists for couples and counselors for couples also have different professional qualifications. A therapist is someone who treats mental health issues. They typically have a master's degree in psychology. However, they could also have a PsyD (Doctor of Psychology) PhD. A counselor typically has a master’s degree in counseling. Counseling degrees and psychology degrees are similar but have differences in education requirements and focus—with counseling focused more with practical skills and psychology focused more with behaviors and mental cognition.
Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT)
Marriage and Family Therapy is often used interchangeably with couples therapy, but there can be differences. Marriage and Family Therapy has the same qualities as couples therapy, but they can also include improving family systems and working on overall family dynamics. If you are interested in MFT in California, Trust Mental Health has services for you.
How Much Does Couples Therapy Cost?
Insurance Coverage
Insurance can help with covering the cost of therapy. Every therapist accepts different insurances so, if you’re interested in insurance, do research beforehad to find one that takes your specific insurance. Trust Mental Health accepts the following insurance: United Healthcare, Aetna, Cigna, Valley Health Plan, Lyra EAP, and SCIPPA.
Private Pay
Paying out of pocket instead of paying with insurance has some benefits. You gain the flexibility to choose a therapist that’s the right fit for you without limiting factors. Additionally, insurance won’t be able to interfere with or change your treatment. Therapists for couples charge different prices depending on their credentials and experience with couple therapy. Here at Trust Mental Health, sessions with therapists are typically priced between $150-$200.
Is Couples Therapy Worth it?
Success Rates of Couples Therapy
The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy found that 75% of couples in couple therapy see an improvement in their relationship and 90% of clients reported an improvement in their own quality of life, both physical and mental.
Factors Contributing to Success
While therapists for couples are proven to guide relationships to success, it also takes a lot of work and energy from the couple's end. Here are some factors for success:
Commitment and Engagement: One of the main factors of success is staying dedicated to mending the relationship. Gottman explains that the effectiveness of couples therapy is related to the motivation of both partners. Just like any type of therapy, therapy for couples is challenging and asks people to work on the deep and scary aspects of themselves. While the desire to change is important, it is even more imperative to implement those changes.
Openness and Honesty: A necessary component of therapy for couples is honesty. No progress will be made unless both partners are sincere and open to listening to one another.
Positive Attitude: Remember to try and maintain an optimistic attitude. Therapy can bring up intense feelings, and can make things worse before things get better. This stage of things being worse might sound alarming, but it’s valuable to let grief out to continue a loving relationship. Couples who view each other as the enemy and are unwilling to work together will struggle in couple therapy.
Severity of Relationship Issues: Perhaps you realize during couples therapy that things are not mendable. That’s okay— breakups are hard but sometimes unavoidable. There are stages of grief that happen from a relationship ending that a therapist can still help you navigate.
Goals and Expectations
It is essential to set realistic goals and expectations. Problems can’t be fixed overnight. It will take time and effort to improve your relationship. Couples therapy will also not fix everything in the relationship. No relationship is perfect, and expecting perfection will lead to disappointment. Instead, therapists for couples will give couples tools to navigate conflict and promote healthy communication.
The Quality of Therapist
Trustworthy and understanding therapists for couples can make or break your experience during couple therapy. Try to pick a therapist who has worked with couples beforehand and is a good fit for you and your partner. It is also okay to switch therapists if one is not working out for you. Finding a therapist that works for your specific needs can be tricky. If you live in California, Trust Mental Health has multiple therapists who specialize in couples therapy, Marriage and Family Therapy, and individual therapy. You can book online today through our website.
Conclusion
Couple therapy is proven to be effective and there are many benefits to couples therapy. If you are looking for therapy in California or therapy in Fremont, Trust Mental Health has multiple therapists for couples. There are also different types of couple therapy, including CBT in California and EFT therapy in California. Book your appointment today.
Key Points
Couple therapy is an excellent resource to help couples resolve conflicts, deal with miscommunications, reignite a spark, define goals, and deepen emotional bonds.
There are many benefits to couples therapy including improved communication, resolving conflicts, strengthening emotional connection, increased intimacy, and improved overall well-being.
Couples therapy is worth it if you are committed, honest, and keep a positive attitude.
FAQs
-
Couple therapy can give you resources to improve your relationship. While it can save relationships, it cannot fix your problems. Even in couples therapy, the majority of the work is done by the couple. The therapist can facilitate conversations, but the main factor to success is based on the effort of the couple.
-
If you and your partner are considering therapy, reflect on why. People go to couples therapy for multiple reasons, including resolving conflicts, amending miscommunications, reigniting the spark, defining goals, and defining goals.
-
Couple therapy looks different depending on which therapeutic approach is used and the qualifications of the therapist. However, most couples therapists have around 12-15 sessions and integrate both partners into most sessions. Sessions can delve into intense emotions to try and gain a secure connection.